Heavy Vapor

 

the coast is unclear
are you brave enough to live again
or am I being interrogated by the mirror
when it's mountains versus mustard seeds
and I'm fighting for my faith

headlining intimidation factors
consumerism caution ads
torn between two topics of my self-discussion
writing as a recreational pass time
caught between habits of therapy and self-destruction

I retreat back to fixate on what won't go away
and time will make it easier if we just take it day by day
here's hoping for it if what they say is true
when I'm feeling a bit like a broken record trying to sing a song for you

stuck on repeat, the trauma of our last time face to face
our final moments together spent crossing camera bridges
I couldn't hold you but you were the only one I wanted to see
yet I can't help but reminisce again on a beautiful and tortured memory

our last week romance of dreams and possibilities
based in visions of our hopes on the verge of finding a spotlight in the sun
as everything led up to loose ends tied together
and just before the beginning, everything was left undone

critical conditions and life support
gauging the pulse, all I see is death in everything
cancer memoirs of an onlooking son
set to the cadence of the news coverage of COVID-19

postponed endearments of a vow renewal
as a coffin beats us to the altar, you remain unseen
the cremated remains of all things turned to dust
media hype, panic pandemic, consumerism fiend
get all you can, all for everything and nothing, survival lust

I cannot accuse in this standoff of stones
shotgun funeral before the wedding
subject to the integrity of our fragile and breaking bones
endorsements of our vices
coping with a life we parade as if to enjoy
when suffering is the devil's game and everyone's a toy

R-rated dialogues in our will to express our upset
frustration is all apart of the routine
both horrified by and mocking the insinuated threat
the hostage situation of COVID-19

shadows in my mind competing
the darkness of our present view
international crisis steals the thunder
and everything is show business
just leave it up to Hollywood to make a movie out of you

safeguards, security blankets of the mind, set the scene
telling myself to breathe, my lungs are made of paper
psychosomatic suffocation, fear is a truer contagion than COVID-19
can you bear the weight, anchors away, drowning in this heavy vapor...