The Enchantment of Heartache

 

Caught in the crossfire of an unspoken war I can't win
Dealing with the turmoil of loss and my sin
Chaos ensues in my aim to make a stand
Trying to speak on the authority of more than a man

Am I so familiar with the counterfeit
For the heart of fool’s gold in me?
As my self-resentment takes root in my hypocrisy
I survey the times and all that we've gone through
Drowning in the media static, the politics of opposing points of view

Caught in routine, as I run in circles, survival of the living dead
Sustaining this breath I'll inevitably lose one day
My mortality comes into focus and all I might have said
Had I known, that week would be our last, what would I say?

Somewhere between I love you and another way to apologize
For all the ways I took you for granted
Begotten of blood, of sweat, and the tears in your eyes

I won't be the lost cause of a wasted prayer from a bottle heart in the void
An ethereal ocean stands between us
I'm here somewhere between the sorrow and the overjoyed

What day of reckoning, the manifest healing, free from the shell
I rejoice at the thought of you in heaven
But being here without you some days, feels like a living hell

It feels a little less like Christmas this year
And I'm torn between holding on and letting go of this 20/20 nightmare
I cannot see you and yet in some ways I feel as though I've never seen you clearer
When every memory is a haunting, you are my ghost of past, present, and future all in one
When I think of who you were, where you are
And the moment we will be reunited in the presence of the Son

My mind rehearses our last moments and I can't help but feel
As if I left you there in that hospital bed to face that reality so real it felt unreal
And all I had were seconds of our final bliss
As I said my last I love you's and goodbye for now
With every poem, I longed for one more embrace, and a final kiss
As I bid farewell to a part of me that passed away with you
Like a portion of my happiness
Another letter I write to you in heartache, Merry Christmas

As I both anticipate and dread the new year
When it feels just like the day I left you in that bed
So it feels I leave you here
But evermore you live on inside my mind in every word you said...