Holding On and Letting Go

 

 
Trying to decipher my heart
When it's time to hold on and let go
I ebb and flow on the shorelines
Caught in between this tug of war of gravity

For what joy was and what's to come
When destiny and fate collide
A lifetimes purpose honored and left undone
As I reminisce, circling this black hole inside
Learning what it means to go on living
In the aftermath of the reality that you have died

Feels like years in months that I've come to this place
And yet just yesterday that I saw you face to face
On the verge of the holidays as I remember
All the warmth we shared amidst the snow
I've never known quite the cold I'll know this December
When it hurts just as much to keep holding on as letting go

Mortgaging Christmas with a death grip on yesterday
All my regrets come to collect the debt that I can't pay
Bankrupt for heartache, no gift to compensate for sorrow
When the inconsolable grief is all that's left of affection
Caught between longing for yesterday and waiting for tomorrow
When my hopes come up lacking, every unanswered prayer feels like rejection

Finite eyes in bondage to temporal seasons for all that I can't see
I misunderstand the heart and the plan of God for me
I trust no less as I hold-fast, call me a fool to believe
Surely there is still joy to be had on the other-side of Christmas Eve

Legacies on layaway the new born day of what will be yet
There's just no use living trying to compensate for regret
When every wrong that has been done is what timelessness forgets
Answer in faith for every reason that speaks doubt
I'll place my prayers on God, while the unbelieving place their bets
All of us are but learning what this life is all about...